We'd gone back to play after a PvP patch, picked up and guilded few old enemies on Europa & Drachenfels, and got a good little 3-5 man per night team together. We quickly ended up with no opposition on Drach and faded out of the game within 6 months again, but it was a fun final hurrah, and did have a few golden moments. Our webpage where I first posted this particular story originally died long ago, so now seems the perfect time to recreate it.
One of our new recruits for this last Drachenfels run was 'Amber' a guy we'd known for years, usually as an enemy, occasionally as an ally, but someone we'd veered away from recruiting due to his frankly embarrassing in game outbursts. For example:
Anyway - we took a chance on him on the proviso that he STFU in game, and he turned out to be a lovely guy and an asset in the field. However, I was in a constant state of absolute frustration at his total lack of knowledge of the UO map, especially the Lost Lands - which was crazy as he'd been an active PvPer for years during an era where a good 50% of all PvP was in the Lost Lands. He wouldn't know how to get around, always needed help to get to well known locations, and had a habit of turning up to a fight just as we all died, 20 minutes after he was supposed to be there.
One night a few of us were doing the 'Ice East' champion spawn. It was one of the more awkward ones to get to, involving access from a 'sparkle' teleporter, something that anyone that played OSI post AoS will remember. They enabled you to travel between some dungeons and Lost Land locations. Amber appeared in IRC, and indicated he wished to join us. I saw this as a perfect opportunity for a fun little lesson in UO geography.
I informed Amber that the teleporter to Ice East was in the Ophidian Fort, which I'm sure anyone reading this can remember well - it was in the desert area of the Lost Lands.
For some reason he hadn't logged in to voice, so this was all happening in guild chat whilst the rest of us laughed on Ventrillo.
This is where Amber ran to, and began complaining "I'm at the Ophidian Fort, where's the fucking teleporter?"
As you can see, our friend 'Roxinator' was nearby, actually in Ventrillo, and headed over to watch the fun like a true combat correspondent.
I begin to instruct Amber as to the correct location of the Ophidian Fort, and he begins to make his way there. ("No you fucking idiot, the Terathan Keep is NOT the Ophidian Fort")
"That's it Amber, nearly there my friend! The teleporter is inside, upstairs"
"Looks like he's made it, lads"
He made it alright.